Trying choices
by trashandthecity
Summary: Killua knows that his friendship with Gon can't continue anymore, so, one night, he wants to leave him.


In the silence of the hotel room in which Killua was staying, the gaiety of Gon suddenly burst .

"I came back and. .. I got you some food! " Exclaimed, flaunting his radiant smile at thirty-two teeth. Unexpectedly, the other had no reaction, but remained silent.

Killua was definitely not in the mood, he was quite annoyed by his friend's impetuance. The moor immediately noticed that something was wrong, so he approached the white-haired guy and tried to look him in the eye.

"Did I do something wrong, Killua?" He inquired, resting her supper on the table. It lowered a cold silence in the room, the tension was such that could be touched.

"Gon, listen to me. – the Zoldyck broke the silence – we reached the end of the line." He ended up trying not to look Freecss in the eyes.

The black-haired guy suddenly rated, bent over the head and began to look at the floor. He understood immediately where the friend was going with this, in the last period there were often discussions about their possible separation. They always solved by changing the subject, pretending everything was fine. But it was now evident that this discussion could no longer be postponed.

"Killua, if you've found a dream to chase, I'il help you. We will continue to fight together, to live new adventures... I'll travel with you and we can still do a lot of things!" Said the smiling moor trying to self-convince of those words.

It wasn't that easy, they both knew it.

"Listen to me Gon... I wouldn't want you to suffer because of your stupid illusions. " It dampened the Zoldyck with solemn tone.

The back of the moor was suddenly crossed by a thrill, followed by a sensation of attraction in the chest. He felt himself corroding in, straight to the bone.

Instinctively, he took the paper envelope from the table and threw it towards the wall, screaming, "How fucking stupid I am!"

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Killua answered angry as the other.

"I walk around with a frat boy smile to buy you some food and now you want to destroy everything!" He snapped the moor, on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

"Stop! You better calm down, stupid." He reproaching him by staring straight into his eyes full of pain.

"No, I don't calm myself. I'm so motherly tired of calming down!" He answered him more and more loudly. The naïve little Gon was finally claking with reality, seeing the whole castle of ideals and dreams crumble slowly.

"Enough, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Differed Killua, staring at the floor.

"Why has everything become so complicated?" Asked the moor, even if that question was directed more to himself than to his friend. Gon rested both his hands on the table, head down, while the tears began to flow from his eyes.

"I don't know." The albino answered him sadly.

"But I... I might not take this anymore." Concluded the moor, while his tears kept coming out of his eyes with no intention of stopping.

Killua was destroyed to see his friend in that state, but sooner or later that moment would come and he knew it well. He knew that since the day they met.

Gon, while wiping his tears with the hoodie, approached his friend by staring straight into his blue eyes and asking him, "you said we're friends, remember?"

"We still are." Replied Killua trying to be reassuring.

The moor walked towards the door, with uncertain pitch, fading while the tears began to go back: "Then why it has to hurt so fucking bad?".

He went to his room and threw himself on the bed, trying in vain to sleep turning around. He knew he had gone too far, that the dream of a perfect life was self-destructing.

He heard a knock at the door, got up abruptly and went at once to open. It was him. There were no more words, they had told them all. They stared at each other for a moment and then ended up giving themselves a strong hug.

A painful hug, long, lasted until dawn. Was it really a goodbye?

While Killua was asleep, Gon began to glimpse the sunlight, which coloured the room with a melancholy, cold blue.

He took up the chair and put himself near the window to watch the sunrise. Crying silently, now even the tears were tired of going out. He lit a cigarette, while his gaze kept getting lost in the void.

The albino opened his eyes, looking for the moor with his gaze. "I've already told you it hurts, don't smoke." Told him in a gentle tone.

Gon turned, his gaze crossed tragically the beautiful blue eyes of the other. Finished the cigarette and blew out the butt in the ash-tray.

"Do what you feel, really. I won't follow you. Let's just stop lying to ourselves." Answered with a broken voice.

"Come on... Come here. " Killua begged mentioning a smile.

The moor wanted to go to him, but he felt tied to the chair and unable to move. Shortly thereafter, he found the strength to rise and rain in the arms of the albino, who shook his head firmly on his chest.

"You know it's not a real goodbye." He tried to reassure him Killua.

Gon struggled to believe him, but he realized that he was no longer so sure. He was angry, but with himself. To the point that he was starting to hate himself. He wanted that hug to last forever, he hoped that his friend would change his mind.

It came time to separate, but Gon did not protest in any way. In a few moments Killua was already on the porch of the hotel, ready to take his way.

The moor glued himself to the window, folded for the last time the gaze of his friend. Then stood there watching him as he walked away.


End file.
